| Monday, December 20, 2004 |
| WARNING: THIS POST IS RATED PG-13 |
I've been going back and forth, wondering whether or not to put the following on my blog because some one could be offended. But I, a minister no less, acknowledge that sex [within the boundaries of marriage] is a gift from God. So why should I be forced to treat it as if it's dirty? I did a little editing and decided to put this out there, hoping that the readership will be mature enough to appreciate it.
Everytime I see a replay of this Saturday Night Live sketch with Steve Martin I crack up, so here's my holiday humor for the season:
A Holiday Wish by Steve Martin
performed on Saturday Night Live December 1991
"If I had one wish that I could wish this holiday season, it would be that all the children to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace.
"If I had two wishes I could make this holiday season, the first would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing in the spirit of harmony and peace. And the second would be for 30 million dollars a month to be given to me, tax-free in a Swiss bank account.
"You know, if I had three wishes I could make this holiday season, the first, of course, would be for all the children of the world to get together and sing, the second would be for the 30 million dollars every month to me, and the third would be for encompassing power over every living being in the entire universe.
"And if I had four wishes that I could make this holiday season, the first would be the crap about the kids definitely, the second would be for the 30 million, the third would be for all the power, and the fourth would be to set aside one month each year to have sex.
"Wait a minute, maybe the sex thing should be the first wish, so if I made that the first wish, because it could all go boom tomorrow, then what do you got, you know? No, no, the kids, the kids singing would be great, that would be nice. But wait a minute, who am I kidding? They're not going to be able to get all those kids together. I mean, the logistics of the thing is impossible, more trouble than it's worth! So -- we reorganize! Here we go. First, the sex thing. We go with that. Second, the money. No, we got with the power second, then the money. And then the kids. Oh wait, oh jeez, I forgot about revenge against my enemies! Okay, I need revenge against all my enemies, they should die like pigs in hell! That would be my fourth wish. And, of course, my fifth wish would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace.
"Thank you everybody and Merry Christmas."
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yet another musing of steve-o @ 3:55:00 PM
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| Friday, December 17, 2004 |
| He's In The Jailhouse Now |
A buddy of mine had a day in the County Court of Warren County yesterday, and I joined him there to lend moral support. In the long run it was a disappointment because, after three hours sitting there, he discovered that he didn't actually have to be there at all yesterday. Despite that mix-up, I'll have to admit that my time there was fascinating. Let me reflect on what I observed . . .
First, the ambiance. Definitely lacking. Cinder-block walls, uncomfortable seating, and horrible lighting [no windows in the place] set the stage for someone to go all Jerry Springer there. As a newer resident of Warren County, I guess I should be delighted that of all the tax payer financed county buildings up in Lebanon, they saved money on the judicial center. There were, however, five or six cameras throughout the courtroom and the proceedings were displayed on a flat-screen television directly behind the judge. I'm assuming the multiple cameras were set up to change with motion detectors. Either that or it's run by some really bored Wright State student working on a broadcasting internship, wondering who he ticked off to end up there.
Oh and I'm glad I didn't go to law school. It was so not like Law and Order, Perry Mason, or even Ally McBeal. I know that each job has different advantages and disadvantages, but after three hours of "blah, blah, no contest", I was bored stiff. For excitement, I almost stood up and objected, but the bailiff was a county officer with a real gun and would've loved the opportunity to light some red-headed guy. By the way, so many people needed a court appointed lawyer, I bet the Public Defender didn't even go home last night.
Also, the charges were so varied: from domestic assault, to speeding tickets, to going down a street with a road closed sign [four different people went down this road, most to make deliveries, and were ticketed. If I find out where it is, I'll help you steer clear]. The best was this guy who was up for a second misdemeanors for his "vicious dogs" being loose. They were a bulldog and a boxer. Am I alone in this, or did I miss the memo to fear bulldogs? And I thought boxers were just hyperactive. So for this second misdemeanors this guy has now been fined a total of $2500 for these dogs. Dude, just buy a cat and ship it off to Balco to toughen it up.
Finally, the thing that fascinated me the most, was the number of times I heard someone tell the judge, "Your Honor, you'll never see me in here again." Eight was my count. I had to keep from laughing out loud. If I were that judge I would keep a knife with me and etch a mark into my desk everytime I heard the phrase uttered. It'd be interesting to guess how many times in his career he's heard that. I'd be a horrible judge. I've turned the corner so that I believe most sob stories. But this guy was pretty impressive. Just doing his job. All I knew was that by the time I had left, I didn't want to see the inside of that courtroom again either.
I obeyed the speed limit coming back into Mason on Route 42, wore my seatbelt, and kept the bulldog on his leash.
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| yet another musing of steve-o @ 9:14:00 AM
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| Wednesday, December 15, 2004 |
| "Stop Putting Words In My Mouth" -God |
Apparently Moe's Southwest Grill is a great place to get a burrito; at least God thinks so. It seems this Orlando-based restaurant has caused quite a stir with it's latest attempt at advertising. Complaints have been rolling in for people who are offended by a billboard that simply says this:
"Eat at Moe's" -God
I'm sure you recognize the spoof of those ever popular billboards [black background with white text], aimed at convicting people with a message from God. Some examples of these messages are:
"What part of
'Thou Shalt Not . . .'
didn't you understand?" -God
"Keep using my name in vain,
I'll make rush hour longer." -God
"You think it's hot here? " -God
Angry Christians are responding that Moe's advertising makes light of the powerful name of God. A local pastor was quoted saying, "You just don't use God's name that way. It should not be taken lightly and casually. It is sacred. There are consequences to doing something like this. Judgment can come on these who use the Lord's name in such a vain fashion." While I agree with those first three sentences, I'm wondering if this guy thought those original billboards were acceptable. I'm sure he did. Yet it's not like those original God billboards are straight out of the gospel of Luke. Why do we get so offended at things like this Moe's billboard, but when we put words into God's mouth in the form of cute, trite sayings we're totally OK with it?
We ourselves don't have enough respect for the words and name of God, and then we're dumbfounded why the world doesn't. If all that God's word is good for is an advertising slogan or t-shirt logo, we're probably missing the point. I just look at how the Jews handle things. They will not say the name YHWH so as not to take it in vain. They go even further: in writing His name in English, they'll print "G-d", minus the "o" vowel, to avoid coming close to irreverence. And if they write "G-d" on a sheet of paper, they won't just throw it away, but will burn it and say a special prayer. Finally, my personal favorite, they won't read the Bible in the bathroom because that's getting sacred [God's Word] around something that's unclean [excrement]. That would kill my personal devotion life.
I'm not saying we need to do things like the Jews, but we should take the words of God that seriously. The next time you begin a phrase with "God said . . . " make sure you're really quoting Him, and not stating your opinion about what you think He said. For it does reveal in Scripture that He hates to be misquoted [Revelation 22:18,19].
I chuckled at the Moe's ad, not because it makes light of God, but because it rips on those original billboards. I think that those Christians are so angry because it mocks the advertising campaign they hailed as so creative. But maybe they're just too sensitive. I mean, where in the Bible does it say that God hates Tex-Mex food?
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| yet another musing of steve-o @ 9:25:00 AM
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| Friday, December 10, 2004 |
| Was it a Scarlet letter? |
The church where Kelly and I attended when I worked at Cincinnati Bible College . . . um, I mean Cincinnati Christian University was Oak Hills Christian Church, which is now Impact Church [was that confusing enough?]. Anyway, the youth ministry there is growing and attracting some awesome kids, one of whom is Eric Bast. Eric, a student at Oak Hills High School [my alma mater, Go Highlanders] was so convicted by message of Jesus that he and some friends decided to write a personal letter to everyone in the high school telling them about Jesus and the eternal consequences about not following him. The letter directed people to a website that told them more about what he was trying to say. The result: a five day suspension because he delivered the letters during an extended homeroom and was accused a disrupting the learning environment. Local media outlets have started to pick this story up and I'm wondering if it'll be national by next week.
I've been going back and forth on this thing and I don't know how I really feel about. I love Eric's passion and the overwhelming need he felt to spread the message of Jesus. But I've never been a big believer in using religious tracts. The theology behind it is similar to that of people who support televangelism: reach as many people as you possibly can, getting the most bang for the buck. I've heard people say, "If Jesus was alive today, don't you think he would use every means possible to reach everyone he could?" I honestly don't think so. Jesus was deliberate in his ministry and I think we'd be shocked to discover how few people in Palestine knew who he was when he was alive. By the time He ascends to heaven, only a handful of people follow Him. The lesson is: it's not all about quantity, but quality. Those handful of followers, two-thousand years later, did pretty well for themselves.
When you look in Scripture in the book of Acts, you don't see the Apostle Paul say, "Instead of preaching all over Macedonia, lets go to Kinkos, make 100,000 copies of my letter to the Romans and pass it out at the Coliseum." I believe mass-evangelism tools might have worked years ago, but now it can be more harm than good. Too many times we're so obsessed with the conversion that we aren't there for them through the discipleship process. The end result: they give up on their faith. So what have we accomplished? Each person has different problems and different needs and those can usually be best addressed in a one-on-one discipleship setting. Sure, it's tedious, but I feel it's expected of us.
Or maybe I'm just jealous that I never had the gumption to do what Eric did when I was in high school. I could just be jealous. I sure do appreciate his fervor, though. And he has brought up some deep spiritual questions that has classmates are now struggling with. I can't wait to see what this guy does in the future. But how far are you willing [and should you be willing] to go to share what you believe?
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| yet another musing of steve-o @ 9:41:00 AM
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| Thursday, December 09, 2004 |
| "Like a Fiddler on Mason Montgomery" |
I thought I'd let you know I'm finally selling off my old violins. One was my first violin, another was given to me by my step-grandfather and one was my sister's; she wasn't as good as I was, so I took it when I moved out. I'm hoping to put the money towards a new electric violin so I can rock out like that one chick in all the rap videos.
Now some of you are thinking, "Steve played the violin?" Oh yes, tis true- for ten years in fact. I took lessons in the Oak Hills Local School district from 3rd through 12th grades [who says public schools are good for nothing?]. From Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star to Pachelbel's Canon in D major, I played all the well known stuff. Yeah, it wasn't the most masculine thing being in high school playing the violin, but it was a character builder. Plus the time cult factor was nothing like the marching band so it was a great opportunity to extend my musical foundation without having to drink Kool-Aid.
I'll let you know how things work out.
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| yet another musing of steve-o @ 10:36:00 AM
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| Wednesday, December 08, 2004 |
| My Coat Of Not-so Many Colors |
So even though I enjoy some excesses in life, I'm pretty cheap. One area in which I've refined my frugality is winter coats. Yes, I remember wanting the Top Gun fighter jacket with all the cool patches on it [of course, my brother Tim had one but not I], but really, why spend a ton of money on a coat when you only wear it outside and for five months out of the year? Perhaps this is why I rejoiced when I came across Steve and Barry's University Sportswear in the revamped Cincinnati Mills. I bought a navy blue coat from there last year for only ten dollars. I liked it so much, in fact, that I decided to purchase another one this year- the same style of coat but the black version [for those of you who are fashion impaired like I am, I discovered a few years ago that it's a no-no to match your blacks and navy blues]. For just one Alexander Hamilton, I can stay warm all winter.
But there is one drawback: the coats that they sell have a certain odor to them. The good news is that it wears off, but it does take a few weeks. It's a difficult smell to nail down, but I would say that it most reminds me of motor oil. In our animal friendly day, the question is often asked, "How many animals died to make my coat you're wearing?" My answer to that would be, "I don't know, but I'm pretty sure that they all perished as a result of the Exxon Valdez accident."
So for you math majors: cheap coat+offensive scent = I'm still happy anyway. So if you're around me anytime soon, bear with me as my coat sheds its smell. At least it gives me something to blame.
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| yet another musing of steve-o @ 8:56:00 AM
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| Monday, December 06, 2004 |
| "No one ever called Pablo Picasso . . ." |
I wore a tie to church yesterday, fulfilling my five-time a year quota, but the true reason I wore it wasn't for spiritual purposes. Kelly and I had a date for lunch at the Polo Grill in Deerfield Crossing [we had gift certificates so the price was right!] and then an afternoon at the Cincinnati Art Museum. One of the main reasons I wanted to go to the museum is because of their exhibition of "Petra- Lost City of Stone." Petra is the remains of a city from 2,000 years ago. Located in modern-day Jordan, it's inhabitants carved their houses and temples and tombs into limestone mountain faces. We'll get the chance to tour Petra this spring during a trip to Israel so it was a good opportunity for us to get familiar with the Nabateans and the society they built. I guess for some people it sounds incredibly boring, but I'm thankful for a wife who humors me through my geekness.
Anyway, after that, we spent some time exploring other parts of the museum. Both Kelly and I have been there a few times before. While most of the museum is the same [I guess that's why admission is free now] there are a few things. Their newest piece of prominence is a Renior. Kelly has her favorites that she has to see- always Monet, and she loves the glass exhibits. We found some interesting things in the Cincinnati wing. There were these prints made to commemorate the underground railroad that burned/painted sheet music to "This Little Light of Mine" in multiple colors. And there were two marble cherubs about five feet tall that were once in St Teresa of Avila church [yes, on the westside]. They were exquisite. It's amazing the detail that the artisans are able to inscribe to pieces of stone- more life-like than some people I know.
But I always leave the art museum shaking my head a little. For while I try to pretend that I'm refined and into art culture, so much of art created in the past 100 or so years looks like crap. I have a huge appreciation for artists who can take paints and wood, bronze and marble and form them into beautiful replications of people and nature. But just because I throw gobs of paint on a canvas and call it abstract doesn't make it spectacular. They have a few works by Picasso down there. A few of them are fascinating, but when you call something a portrait and the person's eyes are on opposite ends of the painting, I call it dumb. Or when you call something a landscape and I can't tell what's sky and what's feces, than you're probably just full of it. I would welcome the advice of an art aficionado to help me with this and teach me to be more discerning in my interpretations. But I'm much more impressed by people who paint vivid images with the spoken or written word than I am with some of these "artists" who turn elementary school art projects into so-called masterpieces.
"Art is what you can get away with"
Andy Warhol
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| yet another musing of steve-o @ 8:05:00 AM
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| Friday, December 03, 2004 |
| The Juice Is Loose |
What a shock! Major League Baseball players were taking 'roids when their collective bargaining agreement certified that they couldn't be tested for them?!?! They could cheat and not get caught and the chose to cheat? Didn't see that one coming. MLB is going to try to play this off like its not a big deal, but baseball's new steroid scandal should destroy the sport. Every other major league sport in America has been testing for banned substances for years, but the power of the players union wouldn't prohibit it.
And they've been worried about Pete Rose this time. Allow me once again to make known that the damage that Pete through his gambling habit nowhere nears to compare with the damage that Bonds and Jason Giambi have caused to the game- and yet one of those guys [maybe two if Giambi can play ball post-HGH] will be first-ballot Hall-of-Famers. I'm not saying that Pete wasn't guilty; he deserved the punishment and scorn he has received. But it's difficult for Bud Selig to try to crack the whip with Pete and let Barry walk [Westside forever, Pete].
NOW FOR YOU NON-SPORTS TYPE PEOPLE: WHY SHOULD THIS MATTER TO YOU?
Perhaps the most disturbing thing about this is the apathy of the public. People are already saying, "So what? Chicks dig the longball. Let 'em juice up and play ball." This indifference will effect society more than you realize. This is just the beginning of accepted cheating in America. Reflect on the advances of technology in your lifetime and think toward the future. I predict that within our lifetime computer and genetic engineering will provide a way for people to download knowledge into their head. Instead of doing things like say . . . reading, you'll be able to have pertinent info implanted into your cranium. Sorta sounds like a good thing on the surface, but what happens when you're applying for a job against someone who downloaded knowledge that you don't have? Your God-given talents and abilities will mean nothing if you have the money to buy some. Sure there's never a true level playing field in this world, but the field could get rather mountainous before our very eyes.
[just thinking: contestants on the TV show The Swan on Fox where they give women plastic surgery and compete in a beauty contest. Is that like the Barry Bonds to the Miss American pageant?]
Well, the one things cemented by this whole mess is the legend of those great players of the past. Hank Aaron [my father-in-law's favorite player] hit 755 home runs in his career and was a middle schooler compared to Bonds' size. The only performance enhancing drugs Babe Ruth used were beer and liquor and, despite that, he set the bar for baseball players forever . . . if baseball can survive this garbage.
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| yet another musing of steve-o @ 7:45:00 AM
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| Wednesday, December 01, 2004 |
| RIP Mr Computer [2002-2004] |
So my work computer sorta died last Saturday. I turned it on getting ready for the Focus service and within two minutes of warming up it immediately shut down and a small tuft of smoke started rising from the tower. At first we thought it was just the power source that burned up, but apparently the entire thing was destroyed. Fortunately, I save almost everything I do on our server so I wasn't screwed. And now I have a new computer [with a DVD player and burner] so I'm looking forward to all the new stuff I'll be able to do, but allow me for a minute to pay my last respects to my lost companion.
"Mr Computer, I'm so sad to see you go. If I had known that turning your power on would killed you, I'd have thought twice about it. We had some great times, you and me, huh? I'll never forget that you helped me figure out how to make websites. And how about those wackie emails we used to send? Those were awesome. Sure you had your flaws: the way you decided to occasionally shut down without warning, you deciding not to work with Adobe Acrobat Distiller, and you somehow losing the ability to display the Microsoft Word icon. Yet despite all this, you were my first buddy here at CCM. From 8 to 5, it was me and you. You will not be forgotten.
"So I raise a glass to you, my friend.
One for me . . . one for my homie."
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| yet another musing of steve-o @ 1:49:00 PM
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